to do this summer:
- play massive amounts of tennis
- improve my serve, work on my consistency
- learn to skateboard (without shedding too much blood)
- go to the beach alot
- get a nice, un-farmer-esque tan
- make at least one short film
- compose/record at least one song
- consistently keep my room clean/organized
- sell off some books/cds that i don't ever plan to ingest
- take lots of pictures
- lose 10 lbs, gain six-pack
- figure out what i want to do with my life
- figure out what god wants me to do with my life
- make sure they match

i want to live by myself. i want my own bathroom... my own kitchen... my own living space. it's not that i have anything against sharing... i just don't like the concept of "shared responsibility".
and, okay, well, maybe i am against sharing too.

i've never lived by myself. i think decorating, furnishing, cooking... even cleaning would be more fun if i the whole place was mine. the problem is apartments are too expensive in this area. maybe i should start praying for a large, cheap, rent-controlled apartment in the village.

ugh.
i feel gross.
why do i keep getting the corndogs and onion rings from my cafeteria?
is it normal to get a headache after eating lunch?
is there such a thing as grease poisoning?
i'm very inquisitive today.
back to work.

i saw spring, summer, fall, winter and... spring the other night. i liked it alot, but it's not for the attention-deficient.

the night weather in new york is so nice right now. i wish there was a way i could walk from lower manhattan to jersey. i would've done it the last couple of nights.

nyc is quite nice late at night. the sidewalks aren't congested. the cars don't honk. it doesn't smell as bad. but it's still dirty. i wonder if new york will ever be clean.

i think i say "thank you" too much.
it's not that i'm chronically polite... or that my heart is overflowing with gratitude. that phrase has just become a natrual reflex that follows any kind of interaction with my co-workers. sometimes, i'm doing a favor for one of my co-workers... but as i leave their office, i'll say something like... "no problem, i'll get those to you when i get a chance, thanks." they should be thanking me... but for some reason the phrase just dribbles out of my mouth.

i like to mean what i say. i have to stop fake-thanking people.

i walked outside my office without my jacket today. which means spring is near. i hope i don't sneeze my eyeballs out this year.

passion.

Etymology: Middle English, from Old French, from Late Latin passion-, passio suffering, being acted upon, from Latin pati to suffer.
1 often capitalized a : the sufferings of Christ between the night of the Last Supper and his death b : an oratorio based on a gospel narrative of the Passion
2 obsolete : SUFFERING
3 : the state or capacity of being acted on by external agents or forces
4 a (1) : EMOTION (2) plural : the emotions as distinguished from reason b : intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction c : an outbreak of anger
5 a : ardent affection : LOVE b : a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept c : sexual desire d : an object of desire or deep interest
-- www.m-w.com

charlie hall, chris tomlin and david crowder were in town last night. i had a chance to see them from row e. here's a pic from mr. ko:

i need to get a turntablist for my band.

okay, so maybe i'm addicted to diet cola... but it makes me happy.

in my work neighborhood, a 20oz bottle costs about $1.35. ($1.35 in the vending machine on the 8th floor, $1.40 at my building's cafeteria, $1.35 at the nearest deli down the street).

i decided to buy a couple 2-liter bottles from the drug store around the corner (for 89 cents each with a discount "club card") and keep them under my desk here at work. i'd totally forgotten about them, until i was craving for it for the last hour or so. then i remembered and literally jumped out of my seat to get a cup of ice (free at the pantry on my floor).

this totally makes my hour.

the end.

i don't pray enough. i don't know why. the words just don't come out. my mind wanders. i get frustrated and it takes me a while to re-attempt.

i wonder if some great tragedy is neccessary to pull me down to my knees. if the knobs on my soul need to be tweaked to the proper frequency. if my thumb is stuck in some dam that holds back the end to this drought.

how appropriate. coming out of my speakers right at this moment:

i'm so tired of living for the kind of love that only lasts for a while... so i fall on my knees to get back on my feet again and i cry out for you, would you please speak to me?
- ten shekel shirt

the moon was full and large and a nice shade of yellow/orange last night.
but the wind by my apartment still has alot of winter sting left to it... so i couldn't stare for too long.

i saw eternal sunshine of the spotless mind last week. i'd been waiting to see it for a while, since i saw the previews earlier this year... it was well worth it. best movie i've seen all year... 5 robotic thumbs up.

pet peeve no. 3482: littering

people, please... how difficult is it to hold onto your trash until you pass a proper recepticle? the subway floor is not a proper recepticle. and if you're going to immediately toss the flier onto the sidewalk, don't take it in the first place.

i'm not an environmentalist. when it comes to politics, those issues are on the bottom of my list. but it's just completely inconsiderate to litter and it annoys me.

on the way to the office this morning, i saw a woman and her 7-year-old-ish daughter waiting to cross the street. they wore similar (faux) fur-lined coats and held matching umbrellas. i quickly crossed the street, but caught a glimpse of the mother dropping a half-crumpled solicitation flier and the daughter's head following its path into the gutter. neither of them said anything. it made me wonder if, at that exact moment, the little girl learned that it was okay to litter. it made me a little sad.

but now i'm at work... and that makes me sadder.

hahah.