free movie anyone?
i have tickets that expire "nov 2004" and i gotta use them up.
contact me if you want to use me for my entertainment value.

there's a new zhang yimou movie out... house of flying daggers.




the question is: should i buy the dvd in chinatown or wait for the theatrical release?

the mickey-d's in my neighborhood sells ice cream cone's for a quarter (plus tax it's 27 cents). these are full-size cones... not some mini kid's size version.

out of curiousity i flipped back to look at some old blog entries... it seems like i go through the same kinds of struggles, over and over again... there's an entry from october of last year that i think is exactly how i'm feeling now. am i in a vicious cycle? is there an escape?

"into marvelous light i'm running, out of darkness out of shame... by the cross you are the way, you are the truth, you are the life..." (charlie hall)

i'm angry but i don't know why... i feel like a teenage girl.

life is unfair... i've acknowledged the fact many times. and there are few things you can do about it. you grin and bear it. you say a prayer and try not to let the truth make you go crazy. or maybe in the grand scheme of things, life IS fair, it's just hard for us to see the bigger picture. but not being able to see the bigger picture is frustrating too. it's a lose-lose kind of thing.

how do teenage girls deal with this stuff? maybe the snickers bar in my drawer will help.

when you have a girlfriend, you don't really need a blog...

when you have mental anguish that you would normally publish to the world, you can just tell her... when you see some funny looking person on the way to work, you just share it with her... when you feel sublime/ depressed/ apathetic/ angry/ frustrated/ bored/ nostalgic/ romantic/ gassy, you have a captive audience of one. UNLESS, your girlfriend is busy...

let's move on to what i really want to talk about:

in high school, i thought leadership was just about being popular, applying a little elbow grease and gaining something to put on your colllege applications. in college, i thought leadership was about looking at the big picture, filling in the holes and doing your best. now it seems that leadership is about psychoanalyzing people, predicting their every move and letting them stomp all over you, yet still somehow convince them that where you're going is the place to be. have i grown cynical? just a little.

i'm not talking about my relationship to miss roboto. i'm relatively secure there.

but church... ahh... insanity around every corner.
i "grew up" in church, yet inherently lack the ability to effectively communicate with other people there. am i hard to understand? do i give mixed signals? i try my best to care for people... my intention is to do the "right thing"...

agh. i don't know.
i just want to sit back in my chair and doodle on my napkin.
i can't think like this...