my roommate's been out of town all weekend. so i've had the place all to myself. i've never lived completely by myself. in the city and in college, i've always had a roommate and before that i was living at home with la familia. so only when my roommate's are out of town, i get to experience living solo.

it's not really the same as living alone. there's still another person's stuff in the apartment. and it rarely lasts more than a few days. but still.

my roommate's supposed to return tomorrow (technically today, tuesday) possibly with the friend he's been visiting, so i've been trying to clean up a little bit. in the process, i'm reminded how much of a packrat i am... i have so much junk... and for some reason, it's hard to throw stuff away. i save empty boxes, platic bags, receipts, concert tickets, magazines... i'm doing my best to throw stuff away, but my room's still a bit of a mess. i end up just stuffing the ji-ji-beun-han [korean for "random clutter", sort of] stuff in a drawer or in one of the shoeboxes i've saved.

i wonder if i'd be neater or messier if i lived alone. i guess there'd be no one to hold my cleanliness accountable. but on the other hand, there'd be no one to blame for the mess that'd accumulate, so i'd feel more of a burden to clean. and would i be lazier? or more efficient? would i watch more tv? or would i be more creative with my time? would i enjoy coming home more? would i cook more? i don't think i can really be myself if i have a roommate... because i'd have to live knowing that my actions affect/influence someone else. hm. maybe that's why i feel like i don't know myself-- because i don't have enough time to really be myself.

sigh. i guess i should get back to "organizing" my room, for my roommate's sake.