i'm about to write about poop. if you are offended or utterly disgusted by this topic visit my neighbors (<----) or read some lyrics (---->).
so, after a long day at work and with an empty stomach, i walked down to one of the best street vendors in the city (Kwik Meal on 45th/6th). it was a (friggin) cold night, so i couldn't eat in one of the parks as i normally would. i decided to situate myself behind a refillable soda at Togo's.
meal ended and duty called... and i'm not one to deny my boys some (public-toilet-) fresh air. i headed to the back and i found the single occupancy bathroom. score. the bowl was clean, but nyc is nyc and i had no reading material, so i was ready to pump them out and jet. two baby boys had no problems diving into the pool, but the third (and final) was being shy. then *knock* *knock*. shoot. the pressure was on. with one, steady, forceful contraction, junior was out and swimming. *wipe* *wipe* i stand, turn around and discover the yao ming of dookies chillin' like a villian. i pause for a brief moment then hit the switch, but yao was resisiting. flush number 2. but sucker was tall and rigid and the force of the water wasn't breaking mr. ming in half. flush number 3-- with a cough to try to drown out the sound of the flush. nothing. flush number 4-- while holding down the lever (which does nothing, by the way). no change. ARGG. and there's a dude (or dudette) waiting!
i scanned the bathroom to see if there was anything i could use to chop up Mr. Stubborn. not a (friggin) thing in site. for a moment i considered just abandoning my boy. then, i considered using my own finger to push him though. absolutely no (friggin) way! (desperate) flush number 5. this time yao moved a little. flush number 6. yes, he'd started to turn around. with 3 more attempts, i'd managed to rotate that sucker and send him on his way. whew. i quickly washed my hands and exited quickly.
the guy waiting must've thought i was crazy or having major problems (which i guess i was).
question of the day: what the heck did i eat to create indestructable turds?
so, after a long day at work and with an empty stomach, i walked down to one of the best street vendors in the city (Kwik Meal on 45th/6th). it was a (friggin) cold night, so i couldn't eat in one of the parks as i normally would. i decided to situate myself behind a refillable soda at Togo's.
meal ended and duty called... and i'm not one to deny my boys some (public-toilet-) fresh air. i headed to the back and i found the single occupancy bathroom. score. the bowl was clean, but nyc is nyc and i had no reading material, so i was ready to pump them out and jet. two baby boys had no problems diving into the pool, but the third (and final) was being shy. then *knock* *knock*. shoot. the pressure was on. with one, steady, forceful contraction, junior was out and swimming. *wipe* *wipe* i stand, turn around and discover the yao ming of dookies chillin' like a villian. i pause for a brief moment then hit the switch, but yao was resisiting. flush number 2. but sucker was tall and rigid and the force of the water wasn't breaking mr. ming in half. flush number 3-- with a cough to try to drown out the sound of the flush. nothing. flush number 4-- while holding down the lever (which does nothing, by the way). no change. ARGG. and there's a dude (or dudette) waiting!
i scanned the bathroom to see if there was anything i could use to chop up Mr. Stubborn. not a (friggin) thing in site. for a moment i considered just abandoning my boy. then, i considered using my own finger to push him though. absolutely no (friggin) way! (desperate) flush number 5. this time yao moved a little. flush number 6. yes, he'd started to turn around. with 3 more attempts, i'd managed to rotate that sucker and send him on his way. whew. i quickly washed my hands and exited quickly.
the guy waiting must've thought i was crazy or having major problems (which i guess i was).
question of the day: what the heck did i eat to create indestructable turds?
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