new york has spoiled me. rather, i've let new york make me materialistic and snobby.

i just got back from a friend's wedding out in new jersey. he's two years my senior from college and he's--i mean this in the nicest way-- a scrub. he's the type of guy that never really cared about the way he dressed. he was oftentimes insensitive and came off very apathetic about alot of things. one time, i remember a bunch of us were away on a trip... all the guys were sleeping on the floor in a single room. before the lights when out, he was on his back, picking his nose and flicking it in the air. unfortunately, i was laying next to him and was an unhappy target to his flying boogers. all this, but somehow he always managed to get the girls. go figure.

anyways, when i should've been so happy for my bro... when i should've been celebrating the joyous union of this friend and his "true love"... i was distracted by the sub-par food and total un-smoothness of the whole wedding. what's gotten into me? i blame new york city: all the fancy restaurants and artsy-fartsy work that surrounds me, all of the slick visual presentations and beautiful films and ultra-professional soundwork... my standards have become too high. and i hate it.

simplicity, simplicity, simplicity i need to go back to the days when i was naive and happy. OR maybe i've always been this snooty, i'd just never realized it. honestly and sadly, i have a feeling it's the latter. regardless of how i got here, i need to figure out how to get out.

i need humility. i need to be broken. i need to learn to see beauty in God and not in all the fancy packaging. i need love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Lord, help me.