i just took an attachment style questionnaire. i'm happy to find that i have relatively low "attachment-related anxiety" and equally low "attachment-related avoidance" which, apparently, means i'm "secure". the weird thing, for me, about the questionnaire was that the questions referred to my "romantic partner". i've never had one. so my answers were all speculation. i had to imagine i was in a serious relationship with someone and throw myself into these emotions. (somehow, i doubt this study is supposed to operate this way) but this excercise was fascinating for me, nonetheless. when i think about being in such a relationship, i rarely think about whether i'd be the jealous type... whether i'd be insecure of her feelings towards me... whether i'd be fearful of her leaving me. my canvas is clean (with the exception of a few scratches made by lorna (see 9/2/02's entry) and a couple minor flings in college). i think about holding hands and doing that yawn-streach-arm-around-the-girl thing. i think about laughing together and staring at her when she's staring up at the clouds. about sharing special songs and ice cream sundaes. (what a sap i am! i'll stop for the sake of my male readers-- hahaha.)

i guess my point is that i'm either optimistic or naive-- i'm like this about alot of things, not just relationships. and that i'll have to take this survey again when i'm dating... to see if i really know myself and to find my spot on that scale between optimism and naivety.

ps. i've realized that it's hard for me to type while listening to deltron 3030. del doesn't mumble when he raps... he fully enunciates every word. my brain keeps getting distracted by his rhymes. mogwai is much better.