i saw a girl crying today. i was standing on the platform, waiting for the N-train to take me into manhattan. i slowly worked my way over to the front of the train, as i knew i'd eventually have to exit on the south side of my final stop. as i neared the area where the first car stops, i saw a girl wearing a baseball cap low, covering half of her face. she stood there with her cell phone up against her ear. i couldn't tell if she was having a conversation with someone or just listening to a message because i never saw her move her lips to talk. i could see light reflecting off of the tear-trail that ran across her nose. another trail spreading over her cheek. i tried not to stare, but she wouldn't have noticed anyways. she was too busy listening to a voice on her phone... too busy wiping her face with the sides of her free hand.

naturally, i wondered what words were being uttered through her phone, so as to induce such pain in this girl. perhaps a voicemail message revealed news of a friend's unexpected passing. maybe she had just broken up with her boyfriend and was too heart-broken to hang up the phone... she just held it to her ear. the train came and i walked in and sat down.

i looked at my reflection in the subway window. i couldn't recall the last time i cried. i wondered if i could make myself cry. what agony would i have to imagine to draw tears from my eyes? where would i have to take my mind to make my heart, soul and body respond in this way?

i thought about love... about a person giving his/her insecurities, vulnerabilities, passions and open hands to another... only to be met with a heart that beats for someone else. something in the back of my neck started to move upwards towards the front of my face. i could feel a heaviness along the edge of my eyelids. i had to divert my attention to reverse the momentum of these emotions, so i could return to my "normal" robotic state.