so i typed out this long self-analysis of why my thinking is all warped and how i need to change it if i want a job and/or girlfriend... but i think i can be more concise:

i'm arrogant, insecure, greedy, paranoid, vain and neurotic... all at the same time. i concentrate my thoughts and time into trying to find that which would feed all (or most) of those voracious monsters. the efforts are frustrating and exhausting and if i continue acquiescing to the beasts, i'll likely use an arm.

so what's the solution then?
quit my job at the zoo and let Someone else deal with the animals. i'll stop complaining and whining. i'll focus on building my character and strengthening my relationship with God. i'll let God take care of the other stuff.

(i just hope i can put some of this theory into practice).