i can't sing in public. let me rephrase-- i can't sing from the heart in public. at least, i think that's what it is...
let me explain. i sang a song today at church. we have a time right after praise and before the sermon that is reserved for some sort of special presentation. sometimes there's a skit, sometimes a testimony, but most of the time it's a special song. today i sang a song. i've performed in public before: in college, i sang in an a cappella group and i've been in multiple drama presentations before (including yesterday at the ravi zacharias event). never in my life have i been as nervous as i was today. my leg was shaking so much, i had to rock back and forth to mask the spasms. i had to keep my eyes closed for 98% of the song. i strained to push air through my throat, only to hit the notes flat.
i think the only way to describe the feeling is: vulnerable. i'm standing there, singing a song addressed to God... a song that represents and describes my personal relationship with Him-- in all it's depth and shallowness. but i'm doing before a crowd of people, many of whom i don't know. i fear what the people think of me: will they think i'm faking it? am i faking it? will they think i'm over-spiritualizing or religiositizing it? am i religiositizing it? will they see through my shell and discover a stained, unworthy heart? will they judge me? will they understand me? will they relate?
people said they enjoyed the song. i wonder if anyone noticed my nakedness.
let me explain. i sang a song today at church. we have a time right after praise and before the sermon that is reserved for some sort of special presentation. sometimes there's a skit, sometimes a testimony, but most of the time it's a special song. today i sang a song. i've performed in public before: in college, i sang in an a cappella group and i've been in multiple drama presentations before (including yesterday at the ravi zacharias event). never in my life have i been as nervous as i was today. my leg was shaking so much, i had to rock back and forth to mask the spasms. i had to keep my eyes closed for 98% of the song. i strained to push air through my throat, only to hit the notes flat.
i think the only way to describe the feeling is: vulnerable. i'm standing there, singing a song addressed to God... a song that represents and describes my personal relationship with Him-- in all it's depth and shallowness. but i'm doing before a crowd of people, many of whom i don't know. i fear what the people think of me: will they think i'm faking it? am i faking it? will they think i'm over-spiritualizing or religiositizing it? am i religiositizing it? will they see through my shell and discover a stained, unworthy heart? will they judge me? will they understand me? will they relate?
Everything by Lifehouse
Find me here, and speak to me. I want to feel You, I need to hear You
You are the light that's leading me to the place where I find peace... again
You are the strength that keeps me walking; You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the Life to my soul. You are my purpose. You are everything
And how can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
You calm the storms, and You give me rest. You hold me in your hands; You won't let me fall.
You still my heart and You take my breath away
Would You take me in? Would You take me deeper now?
'Cause You're all I want. You're all I need. You're everything
Everything.
people said they enjoyed the song. i wonder if anyone noticed my nakedness.
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