car! game off!
i'm taking an official time out. i need to rest, restrategize and even question the game. i had a short discussion with a friend today about "the game". i think you all know what i'm talking about: those psychological mind games guys and girls play in (or to be in) relationships. i'm gonna try to step back and take an objective stance on the matter. analyze it a bit and hopefully come to a conclusion as to how i should deal with this sport.
let's start with the m-w.com definition of the word game:
to me the game seems more "mental" than "physical" but i concede that there are physical aspects to the game i'm talking about. the hug, the kiss, the hand-hold, the subtle touch on the shoulder or small of her back... all offensive moves that can be used in "competition". to have a competition we need participants... and some sort of conflicting goal. in most games, the ultimate goal is to win, to obtain some sort of prize, glory or satisfaction at the expense of another's defeat. i find this part a bit troubling. what happens when a romance is started? who loses in that case? i guess if i think of it as trying to actively win, as opposed to trying to make the opponent lose, it helps me see an instance where both parties can mutually win.
next. "conducted according to rules". we've all had countless talks about relationships and the rules... and eveyone seems to play according to their own unique set of guidelines. here's a sampling of some of the most recent "rules" i've heard. don't tell too many people that you're interested in someone. the reasoning: word travels fast and it'd suck if that person was the LAST person to find out about your interest. also, it kind of makes the person look cowardly. the best way to see if someone is interested in you is to hang out with his/her friends... if the person you're "observing" still gives you alot of attention, you have a reciprocated interest. makes sense to me. to know if you should pursue a person or not: pray until God loudly and clearly speaks to you. theoretically a good rule, but difficult in practice.
the last part is the toughest for me to swallow: "with the participants in direct opposition to each other". i think this is where my problem lies. my natural assumption is to believe that the opponent is the girl... the one in whom i'm interested. so i assemble my team, assign my guy friends to be my wingmen (a la topgun), enlist some coaches and trainers, devise a strategy and plant my cleats in the grass, ready to get down and dirty. what i'm starting to realize, though, is that it's not always the girl that's setting up the formidible defense... it's myself. my insecurity, my fear of rejection and my chickenness are the ones that are trying to pummel me to the ground. they're the ones that are blocking my passes and killing my running game. i'm my own opponent. the girl is just the steroids they're taking.
the game becomes alot harder for me now, but at least i've established who exactly i'm playing here. it a tough match-up. i'm gonna have to watch rudy for some inspiration.
game on!
i'm taking an official time out. i need to rest, restrategize and even question the game. i had a short discussion with a friend today about "the game". i think you all know what i'm talking about: those psychological mind games guys and girls play in (or to be in) relationships. i'm gonna try to step back and take an objective stance on the matter. analyze it a bit and hopefully come to a conclusion as to how i should deal with this sport.
let's start with the m-w.com definition of the word game:
a physical or mental competition conducted according to rules with the participants in direct opposition to each other
to me the game seems more "mental" than "physical" but i concede that there are physical aspects to the game i'm talking about. the hug, the kiss, the hand-hold, the subtle touch on the shoulder or small of her back... all offensive moves that can be used in "competition". to have a competition we need participants... and some sort of conflicting goal. in most games, the ultimate goal is to win, to obtain some sort of prize, glory or satisfaction at the expense of another's defeat. i find this part a bit troubling. what happens when a romance is started? who loses in that case? i guess if i think of it as trying to actively win, as opposed to trying to make the opponent lose, it helps me see an instance where both parties can mutually win.
next. "conducted according to rules". we've all had countless talks about relationships and the rules... and eveyone seems to play according to their own unique set of guidelines. here's a sampling of some of the most recent "rules" i've heard. don't tell too many people that you're interested in someone. the reasoning: word travels fast and it'd suck if that person was the LAST person to find out about your interest. also, it kind of makes the person look cowardly. the best way to see if someone is interested in you is to hang out with his/her friends... if the person you're "observing" still gives you alot of attention, you have a reciprocated interest. makes sense to me. to know if you should pursue a person or not: pray until God loudly and clearly speaks to you. theoretically a good rule, but difficult in practice.
the last part is the toughest for me to swallow: "with the participants in direct opposition to each other". i think this is where my problem lies. my natural assumption is to believe that the opponent is the girl... the one in whom i'm interested. so i assemble my team, assign my guy friends to be my wingmen (a la topgun), enlist some coaches and trainers, devise a strategy and plant my cleats in the grass, ready to get down and dirty. what i'm starting to realize, though, is that it's not always the girl that's setting up the formidible defense... it's myself. my insecurity, my fear of rejection and my chickenness are the ones that are trying to pummel me to the ground. they're the ones that are blocking my passes and killing my running game. i'm my own opponent. the girl is just the steroids they're taking.
the game becomes alot harder for me now, but at least i've established who exactly i'm playing here. it a tough match-up. i'm gonna have to watch rudy for some inspiration.
game on!
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