where am i? i hear the clock ticking over the whirring and buzzing of my computer. and i just stare at the pimpled, off-white wall in front of me. i inhale deeply and smell nothing. i can't seem to fix my mind on anything substantial... it just echoes the simple observations my senses make while slouching at my desk. there's so much i should be doing right now, but ... i don't know... i can't even think of a reason why i'm not doing them.

i felt/thought something odd today. i think i was on the train, maybe waiting for the train. something in my conversation with dave was humorous, but in that short flash of time that it takes for thoughts to actually form the appropriate expression on my face, i felt something weird. i don't know why, but my cheeks just seemed heavier-- like either i gained some chubb on my face or my smiling muscles got weaker. it was a one-time and quickly passing thought and i actually think i repressed it until it just came back to my attention while staring at my wall.

more sighs. is this what growing up is supposed to be like?